A Polygamous family (from http://emeagwali.com)
My people are called Baluba. We are the Luba people. Muluba is what I am; mu- is singular, ba- plural. We are known to be proud, hard working, confident, stubborn and very much disliked by the Belgian colonizers who could not quite control us.
But when it comes to genealogy, the most important characteristic of the Baluba is that Baluba men are polygamous; they love to have several wives and even more children. I have a cousin-in-law, whose father has 45 wives (not children, wives! I haven’t started adding them to our family tree yet. I hope the software won’t crash).
We are proud of our large families, except when it comes to creating a genealogy tree.
“Our grand-father had 12 children. He was a strong Muluba,” the interviewee says with pride and laughter. Our grand-father had three different wives. I quickly jot down the kids who belong to which wife. Later on, as I enter the information on my iPad, a cousin sits down next to me and says I shouldn’t enter the name of the different wives.
“Why not?” I ask, surprised.
“Because that will separate the family,” my cousin replies.
“Separate the family?!”
Here is the issue, she explains. Our grand-mother was the first wife and so the most important one and maybe her children as a result have more “social family status.” By listing the children of the two other wives separately seems, in my cousin’s opinion, to divide the children in three factions.
But then what would be the point of doing a family tree? Since men boast of having several wives, it’s public knowledge. Everyone knows it; my writing it down won’t make any difference.
Now to avoid hurting anyone’s feeling (such as writing down their real mother’s name), I am supposed to go and ask permission to every second wife’s kid, third wife’s kid, and so on, to write their mother’s name down in the family tree.
That’s insane!
If people in the family are ashamed of their mother, they should declare themselves orphan or something. I am not going to write down a fake mother’s name instead.
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admin on 05.23.2011
What an exciting life - and I am learning a lot. For some of us it is unimaginable that your husband might have several wives. How do you women folks think about this? Was it a kin…d of a social security system? See how Maria Shriver now immediately separated from good, old Arnold. It’s completely new to me to think about having concubines. What about the one and only big love with Kongo women? Want to learn more about that. Love you, Margot
admin on 05.29.2011
About the multiple wives, that’s a good question. I will ask my uncle and see what he says. I will keep you updated. Have a fabulously beautiful day!
Kabuika
admin on 05.29.2011
Sooo exciting to learn about different ways of thinking. I think the question about the many wives and also how women feel about it is definitely something that would interest many Westerners, particulary women. Our Western model is not working in many respects as you know. So it is good to be open-minded, although when having just fallen in love it is hard to imagine to share that most beloved one with other women… whether now or later. But I guess there are quite a number of advantages as well…. Curious to learn more…. Love you and sending best wishes,
M.
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